| Inspector 1 |
We've come here to ask you to admit the Gloucestershire
Weapons Inspectors.
(points over to assembled technicians and beckons them over) |
| Technicians |
(shout) That's us… that's us…
(come over waving equipment and looking excited)
We are the Gloucestershire Weapons Inspectors. |
| Inspector 2 |
We are going to make a statement
|
| Technicians |
(chorus) make a statement |
| Inspector 3 |
and deliver a letter for your commanding officer. |
| Technicians |
(chorus) deliver a letter |
| THIS IS THE STATEMENT |
| Inspector 1 |
Iraq has weapons of mass destruction, so we're
told, and that is a bad thing. |
| Technicians |
(chorus) weapons of mass destruction - that
is a bad thing |
| Inspector 2 |
The United States has far more weapons of mass destruction
and we think that is a bad thing.
|
| Technicians |
(chorus) that is a bad thing |
| Inspector 3 |
Iraq says it will allow weapons inspectors in and we
think this is a good thing.
|
| Technicians |
(chorus) this is a good thing |
| Inspector 1 |
Fairford is the biggest United States bomber
base in Europe. |
| Technicians |
(disbelieving - improvised) The biggest in
Europe? Surely not?
What right here in the Cotswolds? Never? |
| Inspector 2 |
(loudly to technicians) It is the biggest bomber
base in Europe! |
| Technicians |
(chorus) Biggest bomber base in Europe? |
| Inspector 3 |
So we're here to inspect Fairford for weapons
of mass destruction. |
| Technicians |
(chorus) Weapons of mass destruction, at Fairford! |
| Insp together |
NOW LET US IN |
| Technicians |
(chorus) NOW LET US IN |
| THE GATE GUARDS HAVE
A FEW MOMENTS TO RESPOND - WE EXPECT NO RESPONSE - (ACTUALLY
THEY CLEARLY SAID NO) |
| Inspector 1 |
It appears the United States does not allow
weapons inspectors. |
| Technicians |
(shocked & disappointed)
Doesn't allow weapons inspectors?
Doesn't have weapons of mass destruction? |
| Inspector 2 |
In that case we would like to give you this
letter (turns giant postcard round and hands it over - it
says "DON'T ATTACK IRAQ" |
| Inspector 3 |
That's as far as we can go today - back to
the vehicle
(inspectors leave, formally, stage right) |
| Technicians |
(chorus)
Biggest bomber base in Europe
Weapons of mass destruction
We'll be back
(retreat to vehicles)
|
OK so it's not the greatest script ever but it grew
out of a couple of workshops we had after we decided to be theatrical.
We tried to keep things light and with a little comedy throw in.
Also it's supposed to be a parody of the simplistic way the mainstream
media treats these issues. But hey maybe that's getting too subtle
when you've got to shout you lines at the busy main entrance to
an airbase.
